Last night I was going to write about my mom, but then I thought: why write about her, it's better to call her. She's been preparing the rooftop for waterproofing. I bought four 20l buckets for this task and some people will come to help do it.
My mother is busy all the time, but her actions rarely have any positive impact (in fact, it's often negative). For example, she is convinced that by installing tiles on the walls the house will be protected from flooding. She told me this over the phone and I didn't contradict her, it's her money and she can spend it as she wants, but I'll eventually come home and undo the work.
Until very recently I was very frustrated and resentful about this "way of being", but now I see the results of the walk I did with my mother. I was much more patient and loving with her. I reminded myself to hug her every night and every morning while I was in Puebla (this doesn't come naturally to me).
My mother has undiagnosed ADHD, but I can tell it's real. Growing up she used to hyperfocus on triffling stuff and ignore many problems and challenges her offspring faced socially and academically, even though she loved us very much. The result is that we grew up in a house which has a lot in common with alcoholic or drug-addicted parents. Hence the resentment and all the work to go through it.
This time around I spent as much time as possible with my mother. I even invited her last minute to come with me to Cancún, but she declined being afraid of some nonsense. I insisted but she was firm and I didn't want to override her fears though in our call last night she expressed regret.
All in all I'm very glad to have made this trip, reconnecting with family and friends. I've committed to keeping in touch with them, and I find myself communicating more even if it's for simple stuff like telling my best friend I attempted replicating the soup he made without success. He came back with a bunch of tips. I feel their love and appreciation despite my lack of connection and I'm always dumbfounded by this. I think about them a lot but I rarely communicate.
There were other people whom I avoided. I was just reminded of a former roommate who has a very large circle of friends. She used to have a garden in which she had plants she hated. I asked her: why do you keep plants you hate? and she said "I don't know, I just can't get rid of them"—what are you talking about, just give them away?—I cant. I see the same thing happens with non-family relationships, there's just no reason to keep them if you don't like them.