I'm sitting after having cut the grass in the backyard garden and put a wash of clothes. I'm a bit dazed from the sun, but I'm regaining awareness, or may I say, my awareness becomes focused on... it begins at the breath, it's the doorway, but almost immediately I feel I'm sitting crooked, so that I have to take a pause from writing in order to get myself comfortable.
Most of my thought is revolving around human drama, I try to come back to inhabit myself, to feel myself embodied, because when I think I'm "up in the air", out of touch with myself, thinking thinking thinking but resolving nothing. I will simply seek resolution through action, instead of juggling thoughts about things I should communicate to others and to myself.
I guess that is why writing works, I will juggle with an idea until I put it down on writing. Even if the idea is worthless, my mind can follow it without discipline, like a dog's sight will follow a morsel of food if you are cruel enough to dangle it on front of the poor dog.
Instead of following the morsel with its sight, the dog has to look at the holder of the morsel in the eye, this might seem intimidating, but what else can the dog do?
I see the parallel in real life: I like a girl, I can't have the girl, but I keep my attention on her. My attention follows her. Who holds this scene? Do I really want this morsel? I do I want to remain distracted? I understand now, you pursue by taking part in the scene, or you ignore by putting it out of your mind, but you don't let thought to stagnate without action. You fill yourself with thinking and then you can't digest everything you thought, that's why your intentions do not come through as you imagine.
The only solution is to remain centered, to find that spot in the vortex which is the eye of the hurricane, everything around that empty spot swirls with great speed, but the center remains silent and still.
I place my feet on the ground. Find grounding. All of this is human drama, I come back from my introspection finding an answer, which is pursue or ignore, but nothing in-between. Enough thoughts for today, let's find how to consume them into action.