Yesterday I bought a yoga mat from my yoga teacher in Puebla. The mat is not for me, its for the girl I tried to kiss but she pulled away. I'm amused at seeing myself do this, as from the outside this would be seen as simping, showering the object of your affection in gifts, in hopes to exchange for some sweet nectar.

There is certainly a possibility of self-delusion in me explaining to myself why this is not simping, but ultimately it comes from a feeling that this gift is done through me rather than by me, though I do like being the vehicle of a gift that the universe gives to someone.

As our relationship has settled into a platonic friendship, I've gotten to know her better, without those expectations that contaminate romantic or sexual relationships. In sexual relationships want to do away with the complexity of the full human being, there is a degree of objectification, that the person exists to give you pleasure, and anything that does not give you sexual pleasure is superfluous.

In romantic relationships we are disappointed if the person does not match our expectations. There can be negation, not-wanting-to-see the person for who she or he really is, and instead we project our ideal mate on the unsuspecting recipient of our affection.

As I've gotten to know her as a friend, I've come to admire her in a very different way. She comes from a very tough background filled with trauma, she has every reason in the world to be dysfunctional, and there was a degree of this in her life, perhaps there still is (who isn't?), but to see a living being thrive despite the most harsh conditions is a beauty in itself, it's like a majestic tree growing on the side of a cliff, one would think there is not enough soil for its roots, that wind should have stripped it away long ago, that a storm should have washed it away, but it persists and thrives there, and it becomes a life lesson in itself.

From this admiration comes the gift, and the gift in itself is a sacred object. This requires the giver to not expect anything in return (this should apply to all gifts, but especially to sacred ones).