Something strange has happened, it feels as if the difficulty level of this period has been changed from nightmare to normal. At times I find myself bored, in these times I tend to stretch or mindlessly browse on my phone, though I'm trying to banish the latter. As I learned before, time is too precious to waste on Twitter, Reddit and Hacker News.
These slots of boredom still do not amount to much, but it is a welcome sensation: I don't know what to do with myself right now. I will sometimes lay in bed for a couple of minutes and feel myself. I guess in meditation terms it would be a body scan, but it's not structured, I simply observe my breath, and then observe pain, try to increase the pain so that it becomes more noticeable, and after a while, inevitably, I will hear my grandmother fiddling with something, so I get up and check her out. Any noise usually means that she's grown bored with her solitaire computer game and that she's fiddling with something, it's better to be proactive rather than to let her come searching for you.
With this newfound sense of boredom also comes a desire to make good use of my time, I have fantasies about losing myself in work, about walking either in Mexico or in Spain, about meeting old friends, about enjoying freedom. You don't know what you have until you lose it say's the adage in Spanish. Never before it has rung so true.
I begun this work log with the intention of writing down the things that I'm grateful for during this period, but the spirit decided to write something else. Let the ego and the spirit come to middle ground: I'm grateful that things are not as difficult as before.