An uncle closest to the situation made some things known to the family group chat, enough to cause concern. I didn't want to explain my family just yet, but since the cat was already out of the bag, I felt it was better to be clear about the situation. I wrote exactly as follows in a single WhatsApp message.

I will begin by describing yesterday, which was a bad day for Christine, but serves to illustrate the whole situation.

Christine woke up in an especially bad mood. She was wet and complaining about it. The phone rang and I answered: it was the nurse stating that he would be there in half an hour. I asked if he could come later, he said "that's not how the CLSC works" I said "I know, but you can't change my grandmother's bandages if she is wet from last night correct?", "Correct".

Lea was coming in so I said "don't worry, our private caregiver will do it later". I came back to Christine and gave her the news. She raged about me taking over her life and wanting to call all the shots, etc. There is no point arguing, so I admitted my mistake, told her I'd consult from now on, generally trying to defuse the situation.

She demanded that, since Lea would not have enough time to do her work because because of the bandages, that I should do all the laundry related to the wet bed, which I accepted without protest and she then closely watched me, berating every action.

Christine wanted to demonstrate she was in charge by an act of complete domination, I understood this and put on my submission act (which she did not fully believe, I must become a better actor!). I write this not to critisize Christine or to seek sympathy, but to illustrate a behavioral issue which is very difficult to manage when coupled with dementia.

When I was still alone at the apartment and Christine at [the retirement home], there were two or three situations in which she called me very upset at noon because she had been abused or mistreated in some way during the morning, and she would make seemingly a huge issue out of something minor. I now understand where this stems from. S, the head nurse at [the retirement home] warned me about it ("just leave if she becomes abusive") though it sounded cryptical at the time. I do believe some of the staff at Kensington might have rough-handled her in retaliation for her treatment, specially during the night.

The problem is that this pattern will repeat over and over, with any caregiver and at any nursing home. I'm seeking an answer as to what is the best outcome for Christine.

It's only been 10 days since we've moved back into the apartment and it would be premature to seek an early exit. I do think Christine needs to move back into a retirement home but I also think eventually she will ask for this herself. Please give me a bit more time to understand, it was not my intention that the complexity of the situation was shared with other than those of us directly involved, but since it's already out there it is best not to shroud it in more mystery.