I'm feeling strangely normal after self-medicating with Ritalin. It's like I remember what it was like to sit down to work and enjoy it (moderately). But this is just a side note, I'm writing this because I want to register something that happened with my gym crush today.

In the morning went to yoga at the gym. We are usually there on Wednesdays, and we place ourselves next (or near each other). This time, when I arrived, she was not there, and the class was almost full. I walked the floor looking for a spot, and attractive fit lady made space for me and a happily obliged.

Some time later my gym crush arrived, looking spectacular. She placed herself where she could, which was far away from me. I gave some tips and pointers to the lady next to me, then I looked towards my gym crush and I saw her looking in our direction, and she quickly turned away.

Now, what I'm going to write makes me cringe, but I have to do it anyways: the teacher was instructing on an advanced position, I could do it, but it was not all that great. The teacher came to assist me, and after some pointers I executed it perfectly. The entire class clapped their hands and the teacher gave me some words of appreciation. I was embarrassed. I looked in my gym crush's way, she was picking up her stuff, she excused herself and said goodbye to the teacher.

I sensed jealousy but I wasn't sure about it. I slightly regretted doing what I did... wait a minute, I didn't do anything! In fact, it was probably beneficial for my case, because it's in this stirring of emotions that we realize that we might realize that we like a person. All she needs is reassurance, I thought, I will text her after class.

After class there was already a message from her: "you have all the ladies at yoga fawning over you", yes, jealousy! I replied "everyone except my gym crush who arrived late and left early, without giving me the chance to say hello". She sent me emoticon kisses. I wrote that they admired the practice. She insisted they admired the man.

I feel teenage-awkward writing out this frankly banal stuff, but it's part of my current exploration work. I observe that I have a "nice guy" disposition: do everything right, don't upset her, be a good boy and she will like you. This destroys attraction because it destroys the game, it's no fun playing against someone who wants you to win.