It's been weeks since I last wrote. Even though I was having meaningful experiences, for some reason I didn't feel compelled to register them. Yesterday morning I tried to overcome my indifference to journaling and I sat down to write, and despite writing an introductory paragraph, I couldn't inspire myself to continue.

So I left for the gym, and as I was finishing my workout, my gym crush appeared. We greeted effusively and begun chatting. "Oh one day I noticed you weren't coming anymore and I was worried, like 'he just disappeared'! I even asked in reception about you", I explained that I had been in Canada, and then felt confident enough to ask out on a coffee date, to which her reaction was strange "Yes!" she blurted immediately and enthusiastically. "But we will be seeing each other often at the gym now that you are back, let's catch up with each other here".

When she speaks to me, she gets on tip toes almost reaching my height, as if she were wearing high heels, holds herself with one arm on my shoulder, as if we were to dance. I noticed my right arm twitching to wrap itself around her small waist. She put her face and her body way too close to mine in terms of personal boundaries, but instead of wanting to lean away, my body wants to get closer. At a certain moment she approached her face to mine as if to give me an unwarranted kiss and I felt my face lean in a millimetre before she pulled back and spoke again.

My mind says she is a flirt. She entices and seduces you because--consciously or unconsciously--she feeds off male attention. I don't think this is a defect, on the contrary, I feel there is much to learn about seduction from her. But it is like a fire, you're warm next to it, but you burn if you are inside of it.

My heart tells me that she holds a lot of secrets that I want to know, that she is not a romantic partner, but spiritually very relevant to my soul. It's an intuitive feeling "pursue her, but don't try to possess her".

My body is all in, no question or commentary to add.

So we said goodbye and I thought "that was really strange, in reality she declined my coffee date, but I feel good about it". Then I thought "what would have happened if we went on a coffee date" and I pictured each other speaking about our lives, removing all the mystery between us, and I thought "Yes! That's why, it's meant to happen slowly and seductively, this is not a romantic partner interview, it is a mating dance played out over several encounters".