Some gifts will be granted to me from this experience. I have some unopened boxes, by shaking them I can guess at what they are. I know one of the larger gifts contains something I did not possess before: non-reactivity to hostility. I'm a peacemaker at heart, I concede in the face of conflict. This has made me lose battles without fighting them.

But, I have no idea what other boxes contain. If I must shake them and take a guess, perhaps another gift is probably the capacity of lying with a straight face, but I will only know when I open it. I sometimes worry that it has become a bad habit, that I may have to work on my honesty once I am out of this situation, but for now being honest would make my life impossible.

I go deeper into this question and I see: nothing of this would have happened if I was honest since the beginning. "She can't know that I'm being paid for doing this, even if it's this modest amount. She already wants me to pay half the food and half the rent, as if I was just visiting", I said at the time. Well, then perhaps the arrangement was not meant to be. If I knew what was coming, no amount of money would have been sufficient.

It seems some of the boxes contain tools that can be dangerous. A knife can be used for many good and bad reasons. If not wielded correctly, you can hurt yourself and others. It seems this conundrum is similar to the physical force a person must learn to master, just as you choose not to fight even if you are certain of victory, you must choose not to lie, even if you are certain the lie will be believed.

I will only know what is gift and what is peril when I come back into the world. I pray that it will be soon.