On Wednesdays and Saturdays I have my "break day", because I can take three or four continuous hours to do whatever I want. Today, Wednesday, I chose to smoke 0.25g of cannabis I bought at the SQDC. I left the apartment with the intention of attending a yoga class but I wasn't really feeling it, I felt that by getting into an altered state I would at least get a different variety of experience. My only outings are yoga and the gym, with the occasional visit to the library.
I found some deck chairs next to a dry fountain at Westmount Park. I lay down in the sun and lit up. Briefly hazed, I took off my shirt, even though the temperature was a cool 11-12 degrees. I meditated for around an hour, and then went to the gym.
As I was carrying my yoga mat for class, I took it to the exercise room. In a secluded area overlooking the basketball court, I set myself to find the limits of my muscles in terms of contraction and flexibility. Cannabis has a great synergy with the body as long as you don't add too much effort. It will help you relax into places which you only find through strength.
I relaxed into my body and felt pain. I went into pain and worked with it. When muscles could be relaxed, they were relaxed. Where they micro injuries of the kind that don't hold you back, they were noted. My body aches, and guessing from the grunts and puffs I observe in other people, I'm not the only one.
After an hour of exploring my body I decided to have a long hot shower. Then I came back home.
The CLSC respite service was already sitting on the bench in the hallway. My grandmother was bothered, I had held her up because I was out of the apartment during so much time. The worker assured everything was fine, I put her mail on the desk, and I was back on duty.
This I write during a break after serving lunch. No interruptions. Things are better than before, but I still yearn for the time when I will get my life back. Why? Will I really take advantage of it? I feel a yearning to put myself to good use, but this is illusion, you put yourself to good use then you attend to the present moment.
It is time to check on grandma.
I'm doing my metta meditations btw.