On the last day of 2019 I wrote a prediction of how 2020 would evolve for me. Here is how the prediction turned out.
I am writing from December 31, 2020.
Today is December 31, 2020.
My desk is devoid of vice.
Without remembering this "sensed future", two months ago I begun clearing out these inner weeds in a gentle way. Vice is like a tumor fed by many capillary veins, you must cut and cauterize before moving on. Tearing the tumor out without consideration is painful in the extreme, and often leaves behind cells which will regrow them in the future.
As 2021 approached I wanted to take this year as the "cut-off year" where I finally left all vice behind. Something predictable happened: vice had a flare-up in anticipation of the lackingness. This is a game where no willpower should be used, and victory is no cause for rejoicing. But in literal terms yes, my desk is devoid of vice, I have made sustainable and substantial progress, things are more or less where I envisioned.
[name pending for the dog] arrived exactly one year ago, I'm glad I kept her.**
Anything I write about Nina would feel lacking. She is an incredible dog. Often times she just stands there and looking at me in the eye at me while wagging her tail. I look back and feel low intensity currents of appreciation, happiness and love. If I had a tail, it would be wagging too.
In the spiritual sense she is preparing me for the deepest tasks of life: she is around 14 years old, in her last years, and I sometimes find myself grieving her already. I am extremely fortunate that--at 40 years of age--I have not lost a friend or family member whom I deeply cared about. This is preparation.
The second task is that of unconditional love. The spiritual task is to learn to love in the way the animal loves you. When you do not feed it, it gets hungry, but not resentful. When you leave, it misses you, yet never resents your absence. You do not transact with a dog. If you deny its evening walk because it chewed on a shoe, your relationship to the animal is unhealthy. Less unhealthy would be to scold it, more healthy would be to provide chewing toys. Many of these lessons can be extended to our fellow human beings, because we are social animals too.
The walls have paintings of my own creation.
I only made one painting, a mandala which chronicles 32 days of COVID quarantine. The most important actions of the day were registered in the form of small drawings, while the geometric shapes represent services in my home (water, gas, electricity, land) and if the bills for these services are paid. It was co-created with my mother, an artist, with whom spent a substantial amount of days with me in this period in which we bonded. The feathers in the center were a later addition from the rooster I had to sacrifice from ill health.
I consider this painting unfinished, and I am waiting for spiritual guidance on how to complete it. I set out with this aspiration as a way of decorating my home and flexing my creative muscle, but by painting this I came to understand my art is more about meaning than aesthetics. I am satisfied with only producing one piece of meaning.
My shrine is a true shrine.
When I came back home I found numerous religious symbols scattered around the house, crosses, images of saints, and such. Additionally, I came back with some spiritual symbolism of my own (sea shells, rocks of special personal significance).
I put them in a corner of the house where they collected dust, and the real meaning behind this aspiration was to make it a living altar through devotion. A shrine where spiritual practice takes place would not collect dust.
However, my current spiritual practice takes place in yoga, and if it were not in yoga it would be in nature. I no longer feel the need of having a shrine at home.
There is a basket with lemons, avocados and chillies grown on this land.
I originally envisioned a basket with these items, literally. But it is not avocado season! Not only avocados, chillies and lemons were produced, there was also basil, epazote and tomatoes. Though cultivating is a fulfilling endeavor, it is too time consuming for my current life situation. This house already demands a tremendous amount of maintenance as to spread myself even thinner by cultivating the land. It is sad to see plants withering from lack of attention, and so I dropped this romantic notion.
Is there someone with me? I cannot answer this question, it is a riddle too difficult for me. There spoke attachment.
I will speak from what the heart yearns: a wonderful woman waits for me in the bedroom. There spoke desire.
Wether I am alone or in company, I will be fine with it. There spoke the soul.
Everything is as it's supposed to be. There spoke truth.
Everything was supposed to be as it was, indeed. When the COVID lockdown fell upon us, I came to peace without having any romance or fling or anything, and I felt a deep contentment with my solitude. It was wonderful.
Now I feel the opposite as I was feeling the past year, I am having a romance with my solitude, which I grieve because it will be interrupted by the arrival of someone.
2020 is the year I built bridges between spirituality and my profession.
I do not feel I was brave enough to make this jump, yet.
My financial situation is stable, the source of income comes from work in the sense that I have come to understand it: a sense of flow, indistinct of the source.
I would not venture to call my financial situation stable, but it is much better than before. My source of income has come from flow indeed, nowadays there is very little forced work, that is work that is not pleasurable. I'm happy about it.
The writing course was a thrill, and I'm glad it opened new, unexpected doors. I feel much more comfortable with the idea of teaching now that I put it into practice under my own terms.
I had envisioned creating a course on introspective writing which did not come to fruition. Instead, I took part in a course which I organized with René called espiral de la conciencia which I enjoyed immensely, and I this is the stand in goal for this prediction.
I'm glad my situation allows for some generosity. I treasured the three month yoga class fees that I received from my sister and my mother, and I am glad to have responded this year with more generosity coming from a point of more prosperity than last year, when my situation was dire.**
This came to fruition, and I am grateful for it. Yoga became an important part of my life.
I am still in Puebla. If one prospers at a place, it is a sign to stay put. The house is greatly improved, mostly through my own physical efforts. All the little places where mice can sneak in have been addressed, and I no longer encounter unwelcome visitors.
This too came to fruition.
The difference between my garden and the land behind the house have been erased. It is clear of castor oil plants and the Canna Lilly plantation prospered, providing fresh foliage again this winter.**
This year my material world skills leveled up. The path took me through the discovery of the body. Yoga, rhythm, flexibility, strength, balance all increased this year. I am able to perform a press handstand. I also trained my hands with real world wood work projects.
Yes to yoga, flexibility and strength. I can't perform a press handstand yet, but I have come to understand it requires a set of preconditions which I'm working on. No wood work projects because of budget constraints.
I mostly consume information from the real world. I do not check news sites or social media on habit. I am more present. I am more aware. I am more conscious. I am more compassionate. I am... Shhhhh ego. If we head in the correct direction we will arrive eventually.
Yes! I have ocasional slips coming back to online distractions, but these are minor. I am more present, more aware and more conscious but not through any kind of effort, I have more bandwidth for presence by dropping useless concerns. In walking The Way, one gains by losing.
This year I explored Truth in principle and in practice. I say what I think, yet I have learned how to handle difficult truths and my current rough ways have given way to a gentler, kinder way of pointing in the direction which I perceive as correct.
I find myself more compassionate and patient with people outside of my closest circle. However, I still find myself demanding and rough with my family, which is the ultimate measure of personal development. Progress was made, but more work needs to be done.
If this is a true prediction of trajectory or just wishful thinking is to be discovered next year. The exercise is mostly about projecting one's desired future and knowing where to place action in order to fulfill it.
I did not hit the bullseye, but I was close enough to the target as to be satisfied with my progress. I will now do the same exercise for 2021, aiming a little higher just to see if doing this assists me into reaching new heights.