On Saturday I went to Retiro after my yoga class. I encountered V. there by chance, she was leaving as I arrived. "Oh I just sent you a message inviting you for dinner tomorrow, if you want". I asked her what she needed me to bring. She hesitated so I proposed dessert and she said yes. "I'll bring a small cheesecake" I said and she replied "just make sure it's pasteurized".
The next day (yesterday) I showed up with canteloupe instead of cheesecake, partly because I perceived a lack of enthusiasm in that dessert, but mostly because I've been getting hints that she's started doing fertility treatments again, even through she hadn't told me. She stopped drinking completely, asked for her steak to be well done, and now was asking for pasteurized dessert. I addressed the issue directly: what is going on, you seem to be more mindful of what you are eating lately" I said with a wink.
She replied something which my mind auto-completed as "I've started the treatment again" and I said cool at what point are you now? "I'm six weeks pregnant" and I almost fell off my chair "what!? congratulations!" and I stood up to hug her effusively. I was very happy for her and very surprised too. I had expected that she would keep me in the loop, but I understood.
I assured her that I'd be more available than ever for anything she needed. She reminded me that I had warned her I was an unreliable person, in my own words. "Yes" I conceded, "but somehow this changes things, a while ago you said you would store some boxes in the overhead storage and I casually stated that I was available to help, but now it feels like I must, no that's not the word, I want to help". She justifiably dismissed me but I know I'll be pro-active and willing to help moving forward.
After some roundabouts stating that it's still too early to celebrate and agreeing that it's best to keep things clear headed, we spoke about the near future, how she's going to deal with being a working single mom and that kind of stuff. We spoke about education, she had recently spoken with someone who had been to a Waldorf school and she asked if I knew it.
"Oh yes there's this... Intellectual Mystic I would call him, Rudolf Steiner, who was very inspired by Goethe's ideas and applied it to a number of fields where he made lasting contributions, and one of them is education", I said. Steiner ideas were not unfamiliar yet lightly explored, but knowing what I know about Goethe his work is more palatable to me than other mystics. His way of traversing fields as if there were no limits to one's spirit, and the coherence of his work and life, have left a very good impression on me.
However, I don't know how his ideas are put into practice... I just came back from reading how they educate at Waldorf schools and I'm convinced this is good. However, I admit to hating art classes at that age, and instead expressed my creativity through computers. Kids should be allowed to have insane creative output in whatever medium they want to express. And let them collaborate freely, don't force them into groups except when there's an intention behind it.
V. said the Waldorf guy warned about the difficulty of passing between an alternative school and then into a standardized university. The question of preparing your child for academic and professional performance vs truly developing their mind and creative faculties at the cost of being outliers came up.
V. pronounced herself strongly for developing her kids full faculties, to which I could only agree was a good decision. Especially for the future, because we will keep on teaching kids bureaucracy for a while before we realize it's obsolete. Teacher, leave those kids alone!
I felt relief and happiness that she's had her wish granted. It all went well on her first try! Yet I understand what not telling me means (I'm at a distance), and I respect that. This is why I kept most of my enthusiasm to myself, and even though I completely agree with her decision. Perhaps I do this intuitively because it's how my own important decisions are made. Feeling influence is unpalatable. I even overhyped Montessori now that I think about it!
In any case, I'm convinced V. will become a mother, a great one at that, and I have nothing to steer but just reaffirm and give security in the direction that she's headed. I'm wishing (intuiting) she'll find not many roadblocks in the months ahead and I must remind her I'm on duty to attend any upcoming need (she's the independent type). Earning her trust again will make me a better person, I must remember this is my current spiritual task.