It is Saturday. I put a load of laundry and then went to smoke weed to the edge of the park where there's hardly ever anybody goes yet it has some beautiful, upright trees that are a wonder to contemplate when high. They trunks twist, and by doing so the spring towards the sky very upright, you can feel the effect in your own body by replicating what nature is teaching. It is a wonderful meditation technique.
I came back to the apartment's laundry and saw that I had ten minutes left in the load. Time has surely passed. I will put the load in the dryer and come back to write.
14:14 (what a nice number)
Upstairs, next to the laundry room, there is a yoga room. Everything is deserted. As I'm going out tonight to dance again, I will see what I was doing by dancing in front of the mirror, alone. I debate wether to record myself and share it, as I write this I realize it doesn't have to be both.
I often imagine my movements when dancing are expressive but people tell me to "just loosen up" so I guess that's not the case. I also don't know very well what to do with my arms, the mirror will tell me. It's often uncomfortable to look at feedback but this is the pleasant discomfort of improvement.
Writing is the wanking, action is the sex, so let's go move those hips in preparation for tonight.
2:45 I danced without taking my phone, so no music. I decided to put the playlist from the festival and try dancing to different styles. I will record myself because this is a valuable landmark, discovering I enjoy dancing and shaking dem hips.
After dancing I came back to the apartment to pick up a bag. I recorded myself. It's disconcerting for me to observe, in a good way. I didn't realize I can be so... sexy. It is time for me to dance with beautiful women, now I understand why the hottie was annoyed at me, she was inviting me to seduce her but I have no confidence. Now I wish I had cologne. I need to shower. Shit. This is what desire does. My intention tonight is not to get laid, but to seduce with looks and dance. But I have observed, anytime there is intention there is frustration. The right mindset is: I'll have fun through masculine seduction, make eye contact, dance close. Until now I've been dancing alone. I'm too excited about this and the clothes are waiting in the drying machine, I'll give it some thought while I fold and come back to write.
I come back with the folded clothes. I've decided: I'm comfortable dancing with myself anywhere already, which is very surprising and I'm thankful and appreciative about it. It is time to keep on pushing boundaries. My next boundary is: dance with others. Doesn't matter if it's men, women, seniors... nah not children, at least not until I know what I'm doing. Seduction is a secondary objective, but I don't want to call it this way, what must happen is that you exude sexyness and that attracts like a flower attracts bees. I might be waxing too much poetic and then come back with a night just like I had before, so I'll keep the poetics for the results of my actions rather than my plans. This is just intention.
Argh I had no intention of this but I shared my video on instagram. It's time to get ready to dance. I will stop writing and go living.
Edit a couple of minutes later: I decided to delete it from Instagram. I choose to share it here instead: