I'm sitting on the couch while my grandmother is on a call with a friend. It is difficult not to eavesdrop on what she says, but I will try to focus on something else while she enjoys her chat.
Let us look at the body, I'm slouched, with my feet up the coffee table. My legs are crossed, I'm not really relaxed. Undoing my crossed legs makes it better. I look into my breath.
The sun is coming down, and now, in springtime, the sun shines through and gives a warm tone to the pale blue walls of this apartment. I just noticed yesterday when I came back from my break. The effect is beautiful.
My grandmother is in the background, telling the story of the [possibly imaginary] abuse she suffered at her former residence. I will say that her dementia makes her twist stories into exaggerated spirals, snowballs that collect debris. I've heard this story a couple dozen of times, and I've observed it. From intuition I know there has been rough treatment, but not what she describes.
The sun is now illuminating the piano. Old furniture. What is this style? Faux victorian?
I come back two hours later, after having helped her clear out a drawer from the desk in the den, collect old electronics which will go into recycling, and then having supper. For myself, I cut out a thick slice out of a roti slab of meat and cooked it with onions. For my grandmother, a slice of turkey, for both of us potatoes and salad. After supper I served myself a glass of Canadian whiskey which I watered down with my grandmother's sangría. The taste of straight whiskey was nice, but harsh after months without a proper drink. This is the first time I do it.
I also smoked a cigarette outside. I've come back to smoking. No big deal, I know it will fall off from me in time. Right now it only adds to the stress. However, I admit things have been going fine in the last ten days or so, partly because my grandmother is more accommodating and I'm more relaxed.
There is no conclusion to this work log. I just register my experience as it happens.
I just noticed I have my legs crossed over the coffee table again. I separate them and I'm able to relax better. I told my grandmother dessert would be ready in 15 minutes, and I'm almost past my time. I better get going.