My opinion on the life changing decision has been swaying between yes and no. I try to cease the chatter in my mind to sense what my body feels, and it's fear. There are layers and layers of meaning in this decision, and when I work through them some layers are nice and others are ugly. This decision has brought to me a mini-existential crisis of sorts, I'm greatly reminded of the kind of thoughts I used to have seven or eight years ago. It's fortunate I've gone through the trial of fire already, the fire would have consumed me otherwise.
I've been avoiding asking this question to AI. I want to ask my human friends: how do you feel about having children? How do you feel about not having had children? What was the biggest reward? What was the biggest sacrifice? Do you miss who you were before having children? Do you miss what you did before having children? And why do parents complain so much about their children and then quickly correct themselves "but it's all worth it"?
Today I will pick up the keys to my new apartment after work. I asked V. if she would like to have an inauguration dinner, I would drop by her house after picking up the keys and we would grab something to eat along the way (we will live nearby). She said yes, and I have a bottle of wine.
I see things at work getting hectic as we're picking up speed. The founders are handling a lot of stress. I admire their dedication, not a spot I envy at this time (perhaps in the future I will).
For some context, we're five people in-office and two remote. Two of my in-office co-workers are recent graduates, one co-founder is one year my junior (44) and the other is almost 30. They are all super smart and cool. Everybody at the office is "conservative" to which I bring a whiff of progressive pushback, just as I would bring a conservative pushback in a progressive environment. If I were a D&D alignment I'd be True Neutral.