Today I was set on completing my first delivery for Uber Eats. I checked a YouTube video tutorial from a delivery guy, and then spontaneously begun working. I was deeply focused and I got a lot done in the three or four hours I've been sitting down.
How strange is my will. When my wants to work on the computer, I will go work outdoors, and when my will is to work outdoors, I wish to work on the computer. If only I could trick myself to do what I'm supposed to do, but I can't. There has to be a genuine will towards an action so that I can avoid it.
This is another form of procrastination. Recently I was listening to Andrew Huberman. He said that if you find difficulty completing a task, choose a different task that is even more difficult or unpleasant. This will make the current task more appealing. Understanding my situation from this point of view, the unknowns and (minor) anxiety doing my first delivery are what brought me back to doing focused computer work.
Sometimes I wonder if I have ADHD. Both my mother and my sister have it. Their will and their actions are not aligned. However, there is a certain beauty and creativity in this. If all the time you do what you're supposed to do, you will become an effective but boring person. There is nothing unexpected in your life, it all goes according to schedule.
As I reach a conclusion, I'm sure the reader will think "this dude will come up with some platitudes balance and effectiveness, and the middle way blah blah blah". No, I think the middle way is a spiritual misunderstanding. The middle way makes you lukewarm. What you really want is to be dilligent and conscientious about your will at the right times, and tangential and creative at others. You pull yourself at the extremes of each behavior so that your spirit expands.
This applies to almost every duality you find. Party hard, work hard. Be flexible and also strong. Be a peacemaker and a violent son of a bitch. Be rational and intuitive. Because The One is the source of all dualites, as we transcend them we become more like The One. Others will project their preconceptions on you and accuse you of being loopsided. Do not listen.
Seemingly out of nowhere a heavy rain just started downpouring from the sky. I saved myself an unpleasant experience. Sometimes procrastination happens for a reason.