On Saturday I attended a MeetUp event called the Dionysius Society which involves dressing up as a god/goddess and drinking wine at Retiro while we ask each other questions designed by the organizer. It was sweltering hot and I brought a cooling back with a pack of ice and three bottles of wine. For a costume, I passed a thrift store and bought a wig, a red necklace and temporary tattoos. I also took my "ceremonial" yoga mat.
After I dressed up I asked: who do you think I am? "It looks cool but I don't know, Mustafa from the lion king probably?" I laughed. I'm supposed to be Shiva, I said. We took pictures of the group and when I looked at the photo I understood. I looked more like a caveman than any god.
During the Q&A session I was asked: if you had to name this chapter of your life, what would you name it? "Oh that's an easy one" I said, "I write every day and I divide my life in chapters. I usually change chapters when I change locations, because the people, the places and the things that happen necessarily change because you are in a different place, so my current chapter is titled Madrid 2025". The organizer playfully rolled his eyes saying "Oh come on, you can do better than that". I laughed and said "OK, there's an alternative title but to come to it I will have to do some explaining".
"So, a good friend who is around my age one month ago asked me if I wanted to try to have a kid with her. It was agonizing to take the decision, I took the full month to come to a conclusion, but now I know I do want to do it. This kinda provoked a mini mid-life crisis, because—if everything turns out well—I probably wont want to attend these meetings one year from now. Lots of unexpected things can happen along the way, but I'm operating on the assumption that we will have a kid together, and I have a limited time to enjoy my childless state. So—if I had to title this chapter—I think I would title it 'my mini mid-life crisis'".
I had to leave before the event was over. I had taken out my cigarette kit (tobacco pouch, filters and papers) for others to use at leisure. I looked at it and thought "I will leave it here for others to use, and I'm tired of smoking. I will make a run at it after I finish the pack I have at home".
The next day I had dinner with V. She said that she wanted to talk about some things over with me. She said: I would like to maximize the chances that everything turns out right, and even though I cannot control what you do, I would like for you to quit or at least reduce your consumption of cigarettes and weed, at least before we try to conceive". I was surprised at not feeling the slightest hint of rebellion. Usually, when someone asks me something like this, I prove my sovereignty by doing the opposite. This time I said "Don't worry, we're aligned on this. I want to quit, I don't know if I will be able to completely vanish it, but I will do my best. It's in the best interest of all of us to do so".
So here I am doing surprisingly well with my commitment. I'm no longer a smoker.