Yesterday I proposed to myself to speak at the yoga studio. I had this very present when I arrived this morning at 7am, for an early vinyasa class. I entered the dressing room and found a man whom I've seen before in practice. I said good morning but little else, my mind was running through stupid conversation entries which I chose not to cross. I dressed for practice and went into the classroom. Practice was intense.
After class I went to the dressing room and everyone was quiet. René said something years ago which keeps on resounding to this day: the saddest place in the world is the men's dressing room of a yoga studio. The existential heaviness is palpable, my own included. I dressed up for work, went to the lobby to put on my shoes, and I was alone. I thought "I failed at my commitment".
But then the teacher came out of the classroom and sat right across me. She made eye contact and smiled. I think she holds me in good esteem, I've seen this with my yoga teachers, I think they like having dedicated students and I notice their deference towards me.
I said to her: "I don't think you remember me from about two months ago. I came with my sister and attended class with you. We chatted a bit after class, and I said I was using an app to explore yoga studios in Madrid. Well, I chose this one after our class with you". She made that kind of face you make when you're trying to remember... "yes, I spoke with your sister, it was before I went on vacations... I haven't seen your sister since" and I said that was normal, my sister had gone back to Mexico already.
We chatted a bit and I said goodbye. I wondered if this conversation merited any "accomplishment" as it had happened quite naturally. I also questioned my own intentions, there's something that feels wrong out of being social out of a sense of obligation rather than a natural inclination, but then the two things came together: there was an intention to speak, and I found the right person at the right time with whom to do it.
I will continue finding openings towrads conversation without forcing it.