09:32 Just arrived to the office. Today I will publish as I write. Kinda uneasy about what I published yesterday, but willing to leave it up there and slowly crawl making myself more comfortable being in front of the camera. I note this actually brings a number of my new year's intentions together in a single activity, so it's worth pursuing.
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11:37 I came across a post on reddit and I found out pornographic actress Emily Willis is in a comma derived from a treatment of her Ketamine addiction. I've been successfully weaning off porn from my diet, and the more distance I make, the more horrible the adult industry seems. So many suicides, overdoses and fucked up lives. But, even assuming a couple decide to publish their lovemaking sessions and it's all free of darkness, there's a failure to address something fundamental to the human experience. I write this acknowledging to myself the main problem is not porn but disconnection.
I observe too a how the mind creates alternatives without compromising on its biggest fear (connection), which is why sex workers seem so enticing at this time. As of late I'm also enticed by a category venue that I didn't know before, they call them "naturist spas" which are like gay spas but for straight people. In a natural pool, if you obstruct the water's exit, it will overflow somewhere else. I feel myself patching many exits so that the water might flow as I want it to flow.
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12:12 On Saturday I was thinking: assuming I can't hire anybody, what could I do to reduce the time I need to clean my house? The machines that already exist that would save me time would be a roomba-like automated vacuum, a dishwasher and a dryer. I think there's space for innovation in the washing machine industry, there's still a lot of manual labor involved. I suspect we are nearing the technological capacity to simply throw dirty clothes in a bin and have the machine select groups of clothes that wash well together, with supplies that work more like refillable cartridges rather than pouring substances into containers which amount depends on the dirtiness of clothes, their volume and the quality of water. Such a machine could also optimize on the resources used and the times when it washes, as well as folding and ironing clothes. This last part seems unfeasible because it seems we'd need expensive industrial robot arm(s) to do it, but I speculate clothes could be folded with more simple mechanics.
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15:10 I'm paining on the decision whether to go to Mexico for my best friend's wedding on May 30. It's a small intimate reception and he wrote to me that he didn't expect me to come, but it would be nice if I could, almost dissuading me because he understands the difficulty and costs involved. There is a strong feeling of loyalty, he and his soon to be bride are family to me, I'd like to be there, it feels important. The practical part tells me this is romantic but foolish and that I must prepare for an uncertain future. I'll let it simmer for a week before making the decision.
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I write this the next day. Last night I returned home after yoga and I went to the new smoke club. When I came back home I went directly to bed and imagination showed me an alternative to attend the wedding by quitting. This makes sense knowing all the inputs I know, but this decision I must allow to simmer even more.