Walked: 35Km
Yesterday, after showering and settling in to the gite I meant to ask the only other pilgrim if he was up for dinner, but he was sleeping. I went to the supermarket and bought food for both of us. When I came back I didn't see him downstairs, in the kitchen, so I prepared dinner and set up the table. When things were ready I went upstairs to ask him if he would have dinner with me. "I already had dinner" he replied.
I put away his plate and the beer I bought for him, and had dinner by myself. Even though there was no rejection and this is a perfectly reasonable thing to happen, I couldn't help but feel melancholic. Wounds from a solitary childhood, I suppose. I remember not speaking Spanish well, waiting at the sidelines watching kids play, expectant at an invitation that would never come.
It's interesting to note how we can be extra-sensitive in certain areas of our lives, and also how we can also be aware of it and console ourselves out of it: "it's ok to feel sad. There is no fault on either side. Keep being kind and friendly, it will bring you more joy than disappointment".
This morning the pilgrim came downstairs as I was having breakfast and remarked that I was having a hearty meal (Spanish tortilla and salad). I smiled and said "leftovers from last night, please help yourself" as I motioned towards the platter in front of me. "No thanks, I already had breakfast" he said. This time it didn't sting.