When our company retreat was over I asked to be dropped off in Burgos, where I am to stay the weekend. There's a couple of things I like about Burgos: I'm a human evolution nerd and this is the birthplace of Homo Antecessor and the city has a great museum about it. It is also the hometown of El Cid Campeador, of whom I'm also a big fan. It's also one of the coldest places in Spain and thus the best place to be in the middle of the heat wave. Oh, and the camino passes through this city though that rings irrelevant at this time.
I arrived yesterday to the hotel a little after noon. I had a two hour nap and left the hotel wanting to do a lot of stuff, but I was so tired I bought lunch and went to the pool. I had another nap there. Then I came back to the hotel and had another nap. I woke up at midnight feeling hungry, so I went to a kebab place with good reviews and had a turkish pizza (it was one of the best pizzas I've ever had, I was very surprised). I went back to the hotel and slept again.
As I was waiting to fall asleep I heard my thoughts: it was all fragmented dialogue, from different voices, none of which I could identify as 'mine', like a schizophrenic person's mind I suppose. I was mystified by this experience I can't recall this happening to me before. Perhaps the amount of alcohol consumed had an effect on my mind?
At night I dreamed about a thousand things, all fragmented. I one scene my uncle passed me a raw egg for lunch. I cracked it open and put it inside a glass and begun sipping it. I was surprised it was actually good and not nasty, and slightly salty without having put salt in it. In another scene, I visited a former roommate who has a design school. She had transferred her school into an apartment building and it was all nice and well put together. Then she invited me into her personal dwelling, which looked like a janitor closet. A flash of another dream just came back: I was in a rooftop terrace party and my mother was there. A bald man was smoking, and my mother came to up to him and begun scolding him for smoking. The guy was confused and I came to my mom telling her "mom, that's not me, I'm here and I'm not smoking" but my mother was too agitated to realize her confusion.
I'll segue into smoking. Today I make a week of no form of inhalation, in preparation for an attempt at parenthood. Smoking cannabis and tobacco is super sticky for me, but I really wish it's permanent this time. We seek to transform, but it's terribly difficult when you can't formulate good reasons to surpass your cravings. 'I harm nobody except myself' stops being true when you have children, or even trying to have children.
I'm sitting at a table at a restaurant, and I feel I've overstayed the worth of what I've consumed. I cute lady around my age in a sporty outfit just entered and I'm reconsidering wrapping up my post. I think my thought and actions are still fragmented. Thoughts jumping all over the place.
I will squeeze in a meditation session today.