I'm sitting on a train on my way to Madrid. The train has stopped for "technical reasons", it's been around 20 minutes now. I had brought out my notebook just to write out my idleness, but then I thought I haven't published anything in a while, and even though I'm here typing without an agenda, I'll simply write.

The train has begun moving again, slowly. We are 200Km away from Madrid. We were supposed to arrive there in 25 minutes, add 20 and it will be 45min. So the train must be moving at around 250Km/h. It doesn't feel like it.

I'm going to Madrid on the invitation of Sam, who is gathering friends from former and current start-up endeavors at his ranch-like home in the sierra of Madrid. Sam has two children whom I haven't met yet. When I left Spain the first one was newly born. I'll know how much time I've been away when I ask him his age, because I'm terrible with dates.

You know those people who seem to have the need to remember the year before recounting an anecdote? I don't know why they do it. My mind doesn't work like that. Everything that is in the past is "a couple of years ago". I still receive a newsletter from Montreal. There was a reggaeton festival last year, called Fuego Fuego. The newsletter stated this year's edition. "Wow", I thought, "that sure feels like years ago".

I was just getting into dancing at the time. The tickets were sold out, so I just went to hang out at the entrance, to get a feel of the festival-goers, and to see if I could listen to the concert from the outside. I couldn't. I had packed a lunch and bought some beers. I sat down on a ledge to enjoy my meal.

At the time, I was kind of glad there weren't any tickets, because I didn't feel comfortable going alone, or dancing, so the choice was made for me already. I was curious but glad to just get a peek.

This year I purchased some tickets for a festival called Share. I'm really looking forward to attending it next week. I'm going alone and I'm confident I'll have a great time. Two big names that I started listening in Montreal will be on next Friday (Jhayco and Myke Towers). There was a change in behaviour.

I see less and less value in ideas, and more and more in behaviour. I write this not in criticism of these people, or perhaps I do because I see this in myself. My mind has changed a lot, my behaviour not as much. I think the best way to get anything accomplished is by cooperation and coordination, yet I rarely seek it. I still want to go at it on my own. I observe that what you think and what you feel are different entities.

What really shapes behaviour is "how you feel" about it. "I feel great about cooperation!" would make me go seek fellow adventurers to go on joint quests. When you are at odds in feeling and thinking you hesitate. But it seems changing your way of thinking is the first step in changing how you feel about it.

The train has arrived to Atocha, and I have only come to the outlines of a conclusion. I will summarize the idea I have in my mind, if only for myself: a change in thinking is not complete until there is a change in feeling. A change in feeling is performed by experience. Willingness to experience comes from a change in thinking. If a person thinks they are homosexual, but never feel attraction towards the same sex, are they still homosexual? What you feel is more real than what you think.