Before entering the clinical study I was working long hours doing DoorDash deliveries, I was in a tight spot and I needed to cover my rent and my food expenses. As I biked during these days, my inner dialogue would be resentful towards customers who did not tip, it would complain about the pain in my joints, it would be grumpy if a restaurant or a customer made me wait on an order.
After entering the clinical study I no longer needed to do DoorDash deliveries. But the weather was not great for outdoor leisure, and my gym and yoga memberships had expired, so I took out the bike and Dashed, mostly out of not knowing what to do with myself.
Again, I biked myself until exhaustion. But this time I was telling myself it was because I had been physically idle during my confinement at the clinic, that my body wanted this. My physical pains were experienced as redemption, not as suffering. I biked from a McDonalds on St. Catherine all the way up Rue University to the student halls of McGill for no tip. I experienced it as fun. The detours, the waits and even the mishaps were experienced with flaneur, quietly observing in amusement or understanding. I even got to deliver to the DJ booth of a strip club. It was delightful.
I made the same amount of money in what I thought was less work. But I looked at the reports: it was experienced as less work because it was less drudgery. I knew this in theory, but to experience it so clearly in practice is a wonderful lesson:
You create your own experience, and the best experience is being present.