I'm typing this from an M1 MacBook Air that I bought from Apple some days ago. I'll have to return it in a couple days, as I can't afford it. My old MacBook died on me of multiple organ failure (charger, keyboard, trackpad, and finally the network card), yet I needed to borrow a computer so that I would ask the internet for help.

I've been procrastinating asking for help. I'm tired of doing it. It feels contrieved, a lazy exit to my conundrum. I want life to work for me financially for myself without too many constraints, when I ask for help it becomes clear that my current arrangement is not working. It's not just that I have to buy a computer, I must pay credit card debt, which is fortunately modest.

After much debate with myself I've defined my terms for asking for help. I will ask for financial help to purchase my tools and I will pay my debt through blue collar work. I don't want my friends to help out, they've already helped enough. I yearn for a dual boost to my situation: one is my own effort and the other is the effort of strangers. I want this to be the last time I "ask for help", I want donations to pay for beer, not tools.

In practical terms, I will open a gofundme to raise money for a new laptop. If this works OK I might raise money for other tools. I will link the gofundme from the games I've created. I will deliver for DoorDash/UberEats to do my part in my situation.

It's time to get to work.