I have stopped writing because I'm bored with the contents of my mind. It's all recriminations and petty feelings about Christine. I try to think about something else, but my mind seems to be stuck on this topic.
In fact, this weekend I'm staying at an airbnb. There is nobody covering for me. Christine chose it this way. We did all we could to have me replaced: family members were coming over, we were willing to hire private help, but she insisted she would manage just fine.
I placed ready made meals in the fridge, placed her medication in an easy to reach spot with clear instructions, made sure she had all her supplies, I contacted the neighbor who is her friend and left my phone number in case of emergency, and I let the social worker know about the situation.
I think, in the best of circumstances, she will have a very rough time and will have to ask for a lot of help. In the best of circumstances.
As for me, in the best of circumstances this break will allow me to sleep plenty, to see some of Montreal, and to take my mind off these petty thoughts that torment me all day. You see, I'm physically free already, and yet I'm at the library writing about Christine.
If you haven't freed a caged animal, you have probably seen it on video: you expect the animal to hop around in ecstasy: "I'm free!", but the formerly caged animal is startled, insecure, cautious. It crouches, takes some hesitant steps, then darts off without looking back.
I just hope my mind is acting the same way.
