2019-12-05worklogamindthatworries
I have set myself aside 20 minutes aside to write my stream of thought. As you face the blank paper you think: will anything come to mind? Or my mind will be like the blank sheet? You dread that your mind becomes a white sheet? Why would be that? If you are not thinking about anything, then you would be meditating, no?
Well then, allow us to focus attention somewhere neutral, let us put it on the breath. Do you feel the air coming in and out of your nostrils? It's slightly cold, and it dries the moisture of the nostrils. It made me notice my entire body, my back is coiled up like a snake, I'll sit properly.
I set aside 20 minutes because that's what I have available before biking to my yoga class. But deepening into yoga at this moment is not to my apetite (and I hope for the reader too). Best to describe the things going in the inner and outer garden.
It has been observed that not completing projects works in great detriment to one's mindspace. I have my sacred objects list which I want to complete, I've seen so many new plants but I haven't uploaded them, yadda yadda. There seems to be more joy in starting than in maintaining, at least in my personal case.
These loose ends cause your attention to fragment. I haven't done this, I need to complete this, but you do nothing about it. You simply worry.
At noon my mother came and told me she wanted to change the locks of the house. As an artist her creativity is also expressed in the shadow, and she manifests a benign paranoia where she thinks the neighbors steal her keys when she loses them.
I saw her mind reeling: "the other day they looked at me with evil eyes!" and one's mind wants to answer "Mom, that is not what is going on, it's all in your imagination" but the answer is useless. Will the day come when rational behavior trumps irrational behavior? Will my mother ever say: "I think you are right son, It's all in my imagination", no. You will only play games, the same games you have played with your family all your life.
--"Mom, we have nothing of value here, why would they want to break in?". --"They want to take our documents and inhabit the house so they claim it's theirs".
Worry and anxiety are misdirected energy. Activity is directed energy.
--"Mom, let's do this: let's go and pay all our debt with the city government, and make sure your name is on those documents. That way they know we are living here and we pay our debt.
[Prediction] Tomorrow we're paying the bills and not changing the locks.
[Prediction result] After we paid the bills her worries about the locks faded away.