After a workout session at the park I pulled out the last joint from my backpack and laid down to smoke. When I was done, I turned around to grab my backpack, but it was no longer there. I froze in fear of the worst, then I second guessed myself, eyes darting around looking for it in the vicinity, but I remembered rummaging through the contents of my backpack to find that last joint. My two month new iPhone 15 Pro was inside the backpack. At least I was relieved that it was insured from theft and loss.
A large group of teenagers and a couple were my neighbours. I debated whether to ask them if they had seen anything, but it was obvious they hadn't. It had been an act of magic, snatched silently from behind me. I realized whoever stolen my stuff probably took the phone and ditched the backpack somewhere in the vicinity, so looked through the corners of park and the adjacent streets but I didn't have any luck. Fortunately I wasn't carrying IDs, cash or valuables.
That last joint was supposed to be the last of this period (vaguely encompassing my stay in Spain). From my current vantage point I know that this is a lie I was telling myself. I hate smoking yet I could not prevent myself from smoking.
But, from my current vantage point, I also know this is no longer a lie. This will be the last weed I consume in this period. I want it to be longer than "this period", but "this period" is what I can commit to now.
When I got back home I rung the bell because my keys were also in the backpack. My roommate wasn't home, so I sat outside the building to wait for him, meditating as I had no other means to distract myself. It was a deep, quiet and pleasant meditation in the three hours it took my roommate to come back home.
When I came back into my senses I thought: would I give up my phone in order to be freed from this cycle? Yes, I'm fed up with it. So I have gained with this loss, and at a good price.
Tomorrow I'll start doing breathwork as replacement therapy. I have a good feeling about this.