Today I will be going to my TED Talks MeetUp group. This time we won't be discussing TED Talks, but the last column of a fellow called Oliver Burkeman in the Guardian called "the eight secrets to a (fairly) fulfilled life". I usually write about the even after the fact, but this time I want to dissect the article in writing before the event, and perhaps come back in the evening to supplement it.
- There will always be too much to do – and this realisation is liberating.
The feeling of 'having too much to do' is not very common in me. I have certainly felt I lack personal time, but I only feel I have too much to do as when I'm time constrained preparing for a long trip.
The author writes a lot about productivity, so I strongly suspect he keeps a to-to list and stresses out to complete it on a daily basis.
- When stumped by a life choice, choose “enlargement” over happiness.
I think you must possess "openness to experience" for this to work out for you. Many times I have heard people regret decisions to which I think "but you got a whole lotta experience out of it".
A simple real-life example: my co-workers sometimes tire from eating at the same restaurant every day. They say "we should try a new place" and I always encourage them, because I'm the kind of person who appreciates variety. So we try a new place, and it's not as good as our usual. They focus on the loss: the service was slow, it costs 50 cents more, dessert wasn't to my liking, whatever. We come out and they say "see, that's why we don't have lunch anywhere else". And I think "it was worth exploring, but it's not worth repeating".
The capacity to tolerate minor discomfort is a superpower.
I concede to the author. I'm an avoidant of minor discomfort (in some social situations) and I feel it has hindered my development. I can have difficult conversations with people whom I know, but strangers, sheesh. I try to make myself invisible.
The body is a great mirror to its psychological counterpart. It is often said in physical training that you should exert yourself to a 7 or an 8, to a point where it is uncomfortable, but not that it hurts. The is the sweet spot where development happens without getting injured. Eventually, you come to enjoy being at this spot, keeping the discomfort too low is boring, and too high is unsustainable.
The advice you don’t want to hear is usually the advice you need.
Yes. But you don't want to hear it because it would require you to re-arrange more fundamental beliefs. This would involve a descent into chaos and that's what you avoid when you dismiss think kind of advice.
The future will never provide the reassurance you seek from it.
What a strange thought. For me, it's the unexpected what is alluring. "The future will never provide the novelty you seek from it" is better advice for me. Reassurance or novelty, we carry these things within ourselves as dispositions towards life and we should stop thinking it's life's fault if we can't find them.
The solution to imposter syndrome is to see that you are one.
There was a period of my life where I struggled with impostor's syndrome. The cure to it was unconditional self-acceptance (which is related to the author's suggestion). "I'm doing what I can given my current circumstances" is something I tell myself when I'm struggling. But also be playful in your approach to performance, reject mediocrity, like Michael Jordan "take it personally" and grind to excel, but don't berate yourself if you don't accomplish what you had in mind.
Selflessness is overrated.
Oh I disagree. Certainly some people forget about themselves in the help of others (as some mothers who derive their sense of self-satisfaction through the accomplishments of their children), but if there is a problem with the modern world, it is selfishness. There's a bunch of caveats and dangers in the want of helping others, which is why I think the author lists this as advice, but once you peel the layers you will see that your own wellbeing depends on the wellbeing of others. We are all connected and I can't be healthy if my neighbor is sick.
Know when to move on.
Sounds like advice from someone who was in a rush to finish his last column.