We admitted we were powerless over alcohol — that our lives had become unmanageable
The more I observe myself in meditation, the more convinced I become that indeed, I am powerless over weed. It took me a long time to convince myself, but I finally had to admit: the more I try to quit, the more it comes back to bite me.
I used to think that my high (not higher) self wanted me to quit, because it was only when I was sober that I wanted to smoke, and as as soon as I was high I wanted to quit. But then I realized there was something more at play, a discomfort in my current circumstance which inevitably lead me to smoke.
As I was meditating I wasn't too hard on myself, and this allowed me to see—almost with amusement—that indeed not matter how hard I may self-castigate, if I needed to escape my current circumstance I would always hack my way through it with weed, instead of addressing the real issue.
I feel as if it's very important to understand this. Our pride impedes us to see that our freedom is an illusion. We may think we only need more of this or less of that in order to form a good relation with our substance of choice. But that's not true, we are truly powerless.