Edit: deep cleaning took me longer than I expected. I could leave now at 3pm but I would simply arrive to Igualada and sleep. I would rather sleep home and leave early to walk tomorrow.

Edit 2: redacted a photo of myself.

I'm leaving to walk in a couple of hours, and I want to write down some things before I leave...

Things I promise to the reader on this walk

The last time I walked I stopped writing about a week. I fell in love. I wrote the missing entries after she left the camino. I remember us cuddling in bed and she would gently remind me to write. I distinctly thought: I can only think about love, I find it difficult to write about love in public, and I made no promises to the reader. So it's OK to stop writing and enjoy this.

This time around I make you the promise of not stopping my writing, even if I were to fall in love (though I hope to avoid it). If I have to write about love, so be it.

Creative constraints

  1. I will only capture images or video from the 1st person perspective.
  2. I can use the 3rd person perspective when I'm underwater (as in the dreamworld) or in nights of full moon.
  3. I will mostly show my body through its shadow.

Things or answers to pursue

  1. Meaningful conversations with others
  2. Why do I experience so much shame?
  3. How do I burst this bubble of isolation

Things to avoid

  1. Smoking (tobacco and weed)
  2. Alcoholic beverages in non-social situations
  3. Social media and "web surfing".

Inventory

Hygiene

  • 1 Bar of soap
  • 1 Nail clipping pliers
  • 1 Toothbrush & Toothpaste
  • 1 Deodorant
  • 1 Razor & cartridge of replacements
  • 1 Tape for blisters

Clothing

  • 3 Shirts
  • 2 Shorts
  • 3 Pairs of socks
  • 3 Underwear
  • 1 Trousers
  • 1 Flip flops
  • 1 Face towel
  • 1 Baseball cap

Sleeping

  • 1 Cotton sleeping bag liner
  • 1 Hammock

Computing/video

  • 1 MacBook Air
  • 1 Charger
  • 1 iPhone 15 Pro
  • 1 Head mount for phone
  • 1 screen cleaning cloth
  • 1 Computer earbuds (3.5mm)

Food & Hydration

  • 1 Aluminum canteen
  • 8 single servings of vinegar and olive oil
  • ~50 Black tea bags
  • ~750g Whey protein

Magic

  • Handmade doily given to me by aunt Barb
  • Tobacco cigar given to me by aunt barb
  • Shattered screen of my iPhone 11 which I dropped from the balcony
  • Butt from the last joint I smoked (created Aug 11, updated Aug 12)
  • 100 beads and 1m string

Misc

  • 1 Resistance band
  • 1 Small backpack
  • 3 Nicotine pouches
  • 1 Nicotine patch
  • 1 Pen
  • IDs, cards, cash, etc.

My body

Since the creative constraints are not enacted yet, I posted a photo of my self but I've [redacted] it since. I wish I redacted all pictures of myself so that I eased back into it from scratch. Today I went swimming one last time in Barceloneta and I recorded myself with the intention of replacing that body shot for a body in movement, but then I understood: if I were in a different shape I wouldn't do this, vanity was revealed. I exercise the outmost caution because I risk falling prey to vanity. If I'm not showing my body to help other people, then there is no point in showing it. The only relevance to the spiritual journey is how you embody your spirit, which is no small task.

At the beach, while I was contorting to put sunscreen evenly on my back, I thought: in my forever alone-ness I've become adept at this (applying cream to my back), then I looked at my shadow: one elbow pointing at the sky, the other at the ground and me sitting straight. Aha! A shadow is a synthesis of form, it's a free animated drawing of ourselves! How cool is that! I'm looking forwards towards sharing my shadow.