Yesterday it was the birthday of the friend whom I started liking more than a friend. I helped her prepare lunch for a group of friends we have in common. All went perfectly fine and everyone had a good time. After the party I helped her pick up and put things back into place, because apartments here seldom can host more than four to six people without making special accommodations.
After we were done I proposed that we watch "Perfect Days". She has mentioned the movie several times in the last few weeks and this means something. I hadn't seen it. We sat down close to each other, more than what is appropriate for friends but not quite intimate friends yet. I guess a third party would squint their eyes and think "something is going on here".
In the final scene I was saying out loud "no no no, it can't end now, you can't do this to us, you have to give some closure". Then the credits begun rolling. Despite the protests I liked the movie. It's a koan.
We had a goodbye kiss on the lips, for the first time. "Each day I like you more and more" I told her. "but we must take it easy" I added. There are several circumstances which could rush us into a romantic relationship, and I don't want that to happen. I will pull away if I feel rushed.
As this enters the realm of romance I'll find it more difficult to write about "us". She's also an intensely private person and I want to respect that part about her. But this will also bring out new things in me which I'm sure I'll feel compelled to write about. I'll see how I'll balance these needs, entry by entry.