I'm craving weed but I see my mood improve when I'm not on it, so I'm keeping sober. I know what pattern would follow: in a couple of weeks or months I will either feel stressed or it will find its way to me. I will indulge thinking it's a one time thing. It will feel great and I will wonder why is it that I stopped doing this. I will indulge again and then it will build up to a daily habit, then it will become a struggle against the clock, trying to push it later in the day so that I fulfill whatever responsibilities I have during the day. Then it will start dominating me and my life will spiral out of control again. Rinse and repeat.
“We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.” is the second of the 12 steps. Is there a power greater than myself? Yes. Can it restore me to sanity? Well, I must admit I believe this only because AA has a certain success rate. I just asked ChatGPT about it, it's low. But I like AA's stance:
AA itself doesn’t provide official success rate data, as it emphasizes the anonymity of members and the self-determined nature of what success looks like (e.g., days sober vs. years, reduction of alcohol intake vs. complete abstinence).
I feel meditation is helping a lot in the process. Once I was able to observe myself without trying to control myself (which didn't work anyways), I could clearly see that I was powerless over it. It is not me who will save himself from substance abuse, it will be the higher power.
This takes us step three: "We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.". I will sleep on it.