I came home after yoga and I prepared myself my usual dinner of salad and steak. After eating I intended to put the dishes in the dishwasher, but I found clean dishes inside, so I put them in their place.
After picking up after myself, I found the bottles of wine that I drink with dinner were accumulating under the sink, so I took them out and searched for a paper bag so I could take them to the recycling container in the street. I found a paper bag in our recycling bin, which was already full, so I emptied that too.
I remembered my mat, my towel and my shirt were sweaty from practice, so I took them outside to dry. Outside I saw I had a rack with dry clothes that I had set out to dry yesterday, so I brought it inside and folded my clothes. A shirt and a pair of pants were too creased to use at work without looking like a hobo, so I brought the ironing board and ironed them.
I then put my folded clothes into my suitcases, because I don’t have a dresser, and inside my suitcase I found my nail clipper, which I was glad about because my nails needed clipping. After clipping my nails I thought “I ought to write”, I saw my logitech keyboard lying on top of a box with my phone stand, so I brought them to the dining room table in order to begin writing.
“What should I write about?” I thought. “My life has become nothing but chores”. I debated whether to desist my writing session and get my hair clipper to shave my head and beard, because I didn’t have time this weekend. “I would have to shower after clipping my hair” I thought. So I got down to writing my chores, and I just arrived at the present moment.
It’s nine minutes to eleven pm. There’s silence. There’s nothing else left to do. The air feels cold when I inhale, but I’m not cold. I’m just a bit too full to be comfortable. I will unbutton my pants. That’s better. I’m gaining weight. This thought is coming back more often than I would like. My girlfriend just sent a WhatsApp message which appeared as a notification.
A while ago I was thinking “after many years wrangling with the question ‘who am I’, the best answer I can give is ‘I am my attention’.
Another notification from a friend. I do not resent, but I do notice I should claim slices of undivided attention for myself. Silence alarms before setting yourself down to write.
We have very little time exclusively for ourselves. I feel a slight unease that my roommate might arrive at any moment, that I will leave this entry unfinished, that 20 or 30 minutes to myself is too much to ask from life. Oh I miss having all the time in the world. I will leave it here and go to bed before answering to my friends. Good night.