Friday was my last day at my full time job Factorial. I've been avoiding writing about it because of the uncomfortable sensations that arise, but I know that if I leave unwritten it will also be unprocessed.
I quit because I was struggling. It was mostly about me, and even though the company has its share of organizational problems, I can't help but admit that—in almost any circumstance or employer—I would also struggle and feel inadequate in a 9 to 5 job.
I don't want to go into the details about what didn't work, why it didn't work, and all that stuff. It would feel like I'm justifying myself. I feel I was a burden on my friend René. I feel I left a lot of unfinished work at the job, and this will carry on to my life. I feel like I will be unable to sustain myself economically moving forward. I feel uninterested about design. These circumstances make me feel as if my career in design is over, and that I better find something else to do.
These thoughts will not resolve on a single writing session, but instead will simmer until processed. For the time being, I will remain 40 days in Barcelona and will make a point of enjoying the summer in a healthy way. After this I will walk.