When I was in Barcelona I was looking forward to going back to Mexico, but after being in Madrid I want to stay. It's in part due the fact that Madrid is a much more livable city, but also because I have good friends here and the outcome from living here would be good.
Yesterday I met up with a friend and his colleagues and I was tentatively offered a job, and I tentatively accepted it. I can't say it will materialize, but I'm happy for this door to open. If in the end I have to go back to Mexico, I'll be happy too.
I don't know if my mood improved because I quit that stupid weed, or because I've been meditating, or because I escaped from my autistic loop in Barcelona (probably everything has something to do with it). I'm very glad and grateful that I feel better, my outlook on life is no longer bleak.
I'm an incredibly fortunate person. I've been through some shit, but life continuously opens doors for me to heal and thrive. I don't like writing about the shitty parts of my life so it may seem that I fester over nothing, when in reality my experiences encompasses both the very dark and the very bright. It is from this darkness that I know lightness. Just a moment ago I was thinking: perhaps I feel normal, but compared to how I was feeling before I now feel fabulous. Perhaps the right term for what I'm feeling is "relief".