Meditation: ~25min.
Professional work: A new game
Personal work:
A friend stayed over the weekend. His name is weed. I only invited him to come on Friday, but he stayed over for the weekend. He left a bit of a mess in my mind, but I'm almost done cleaning up. He knows I'm serious about work this time, so he was willing to leave last night on two conditions:
- That I meditate before starting my work day (granted).
- That I allow myself to do something a bit eccentric or unusual every day (this will have to prove its usefulness).
On Sunday I met up with a homeless woman at the park with whom I am on friendly terms. She invited me to sit down on her blanket, to take off my shoes, and to write on her notebook how I felt.
This is what I wrote:
Mary at the park asked me how I feel. I just smoked a joint. My handwriting feels shaky. I am anxious. Why? Because I smoked, and yet I seek something by smoking. Wouldn't that be not-giving-a-fuck, coming to the park and write my journal entry in the notebook of a stranger? Would I have the patience for this if I weren't high? And I'm loving it. At least I'm sharing [this experience]. I can do this without the anxiety. I must give myself the chance to be an eccentric even if I'm not smoking. Thank you for the realization Mary.
I will write two entries per day, one for professional work, and another for the eccentric work.
Last night I was resting from the long walk back home after attending a public DJ concert at the Fiestas of Poblenou. The DJ/Animator was spectacular, really giving his energy to the crowd (and getting it back in multiples). At 12 sharp he said goodbye to the crowd after excusing himself because of the schedule and local ordinances what not. People were dispersing two minutes later when he came back with a mask, and illicitly playing one last song in which the crowd (us) went wild.
After the concert I made the long walk back home. I rested a couple of minutes sitting on a bench, when a homeless lady made me a gesture which I took for "do you have a coin to spare?", but I wanted to confirm.
"I'm sorry, are you asking if I have some money to spare?"
"Yes, if you are so kind"
"Oh, it's just that the other day another lady approached me, and before she could speak I looked for a coin to give to her. Then she asked me if she thought she was a beggar".
"And what did you say?"
"I told her that it didn't occur to me that she was a beggar, but that she looked like she needed help. We all need a break now and then. The reason why you need it doesn't matter, it's difficult to approach strangers to ask for their help so it must be something important for you right now".
"And what did she say?"
"That it was for her next drink, and then I noticed her breath.[we laughed]
"And what did you do?"
"I told her: as long as you're not doing it every day. But then I saw her look down. It wasn't a choice, she was an alcoholic I suppose. So I told her: well, what can I say, I just smoked a joint! Then we both roared in laughter".
I told the lady I couldn't give her the 20 euro bill in my pocket, but we go together to the store to buy something and get change. On the way, she wondered "well, what else could I have asked you? I could have asked you for sex!", we laughed. At the store I asked if she wanted something to drink. She said no. I bought a bottle of water for myself.
As we were leaving the store, I gave her change on a 10 note minus the bottle of water and thank her for inviting me [on the money that was hers]. As we exchanged the money, we allowed our hands to linger. "Thank you" she said in that way that expressed gratitude beyond the ordinary. "I will take you in my heart", I replied, kinda surprised this would come out of my mouth. Thank you, she said again.