For the past few days I have awakened at the middle of the night, unable to put myself back to sleep. There is no loud discourse within my mind, but a gentle voice that reminds me that if I continue life as it is, I will eventually throw it all away in exchange for the hobo life that inevitably alternates with a “normal” life.
Something within myself refuses to transit into this world in order to be born, grow up, work, have children, grow old and die, but the only way in which I have been able to deepen into the perplexities of life has been to alternate periods of normality with periods of craziness. In the subjective-inner experience I am most rational when I appear irrational to others. The craziest thing is to spend 8 hours in front of a screen working on things your soul doesn’t really care about, often detrimental to society, in order to buy things you don’t really need. Like buying myself time to operate outside of this lifestyle.
I’m currently sitting in the metro train early on a Saturday morning. I’m typing this out from my phone’s keyboard. I’m heading to the bus station in order to visit a special place in extremadura. It is a piece of land I own, not in the legal sense, but in the spiritual sense. I need to visit this place to refresh my memory of what it means to be crazy yet sane. I feel there’s a way of transcending this duality.
I debated whether to invite my girlfriend, as I have been thinking about breaking up with her. There is no good reason except that I am most free when I am alone. In the end I decided I need to try to be crazy in company, so I will meet her at the bus station.
The train has arrived to Estación del Sur. Godspeed.