I've taken to write at my oldest writing venue, duopixel. I have this kinda continuum where I publish to different venues depending on how "personal" is the text. It goes something like this:
inner.observer → exploration.work → duopixel.com → method.ac
← more personal | more professional →
As I've come back to full time employment as a designer, I find my thoughts—and thus my desire to write—to steer into the realm of the professional. This doesn't mean that I've abandoned personal writing, quite the contrary, that's the reason I'm writing here, today.
Yesterday I went to the park. I overheard drums in the distance, drums that reminded me of Montreal. I approached and saw a group of drummers. Nobody was dancing. Two of the drummers, one girl and one guy, left their drums to dance. I timidly joined the sideranks. Later another girl would join in.
I'm... kinda shy to dance. It takes me a while to loosen up. But dance I did, and with time I felt myself loosen up. The way I experience it is that music dances me, if feels as if I were an instrument of the drummers. It made me feel in Montreal again.
It's difficult to write about this because I will describe movement in text. I should, perhaps, record myself doing this because I feel as if it was important. When you dance you can shake your body if the rhythm is fast enough but not too fast. You can shake your body at the same time as you dance, so the effect is kinda strange, I suppose as if you were having a seizure while dancing. I will record myself doing this someday, but I'm writing this down to remember it for the future.
After a while I was tired of shaking and dancing so I switched to smooth movement. I discovered my movements were much more smooth after shaking. My nervous system felt incredibly different. You know how it feels to be "on the edge", or a strange sensation that you have something inside of you that is grasping your insides. That sensation was gone, and I was super smooth in my movements. The smoothness was somehow noticed by the crowd. It's difficult to explain. I was in the flow of dance. After a while I felt I had danced enough. I thanked the musicians while they were in a break, and then I head off to a bench in the park. My mind felt clear, I was incredibly present, it was as if I had shaken off every single problem I had, this is what an empty mind feels like! I thought, interrupting my own inner silence.
Later on I went to the beach to the calisthenics park. A young fit lady was working out. A large group of around 12 men gathered in front of the woman to watch her do pull-ups. She came down from the bars and they stayed there, watching. I waited them to leave. They didn't. I could feel her discomfort.
I approached the guys.
—"Hey guys, you're making everyone uncomfortable here, why don't you move on".
—"What do you mean"?
—"You know what I mean, you're just here standing around staring at the girl".
I saw their embarrassment. One of them protested "oh we were going to do some pull-ups but..." — "you are welcome to work out, but don't just stand there staring", and they all agreed, and moved along the sidewalk. Two of them went to the bars to face off in a pull-up challenge. All was good.
These two events are spiritually related, but it's difficult for me to express exactly how. I'm just writing it down here as a way to remember.