I’ve been wanting to escape my weekend default of cannabis and exercise buffet for some time. My plan was to escape to my sacred place in the Valley of Jerte, despite going with V. a year ago, the landmark managed to elude us. I chose to interpret the event as a whisper: “come back, alone”.

On Friday night I went into and out-of bed very early to reach the 8:30am bus. I left the house with ample time to spare, but I found the bike station devoid of bikes. I considered how long it would take me to reach by public transport, and I was tight on time. I better grab a cab.

I saw one with their green light on the turret which indicates it’s free. The car was parked on the side of the street, and I approached from the sidewalk, on the passenger side of the vehicle. The driver’s window was open, and inside the car I could see he was playing a movie on a 15`-ish screen, pretty loud. I said to him “Buenos días” and he didn’t respond, he seemed to be looking down, not at the screen. Then I saw his right right arm vibrating, and I understood he was jerking off. The taxi driver hadn’t hear or seen me so I slowly backed off and continued my way.

It took me a great deal of time to find a non-masturbating taxi driver but finally I made my way to the station, but the bus I intended to take was full. Next bus was in the afternoon. I’d arrive as the sun was setting, and the next day I would be tight on time. I considered my options, and decided this was the first lesson of escapes: don’t leave everything up to luck, when something is set (dates, decisions, tasks) go and do it. So I took the decision to go next week, and to buy the bus ticket beforehand. In fact, let’s do that just now…

I just bought the ticket, I won’t have any excuses next weekend.

The fact that my spiritual duties were postponed put me in a leisure disposition, so I decided to take the “long route” back home, which is by taking the bike lane ring that goes around Madrid. It would considerably add to my commute time, but I was in no rush. Reaching the ring was a feat in itself, however, and I noticed my orientation and general geo-intuition is rusty. As the ring is not visible in google or apple maps, I had to download a PDF map and then orient myself to find the ring (“using a map for real! gasp!) and after a pair of failed attemps I just thought fuck it, I will navigate with the sun. I reasoned that if it was in the morning and it was coming up east, if I travelled perpendicular to the sun I would eventually hit the ring.

This actually worked, and soon enough I found myself in a pleasant bikelane with lots of greenery. I took off my shirt and enjoyed the ride in three sections (city bikes are meant to be used in 30 min blocks, so I biked around 1.5h). At the last bike station there was a chocolate con churros truck which I used to replenish myself, though I found the churros disgusting, they had a mechanic burned flavour, as one may imagine frying in car oil might taste. Probably burned oil.

After coffee I cooled down and didn’t feel like biking anymore, so I grabbed the subway home for the last leg of the trip. When I arrived home I signed up for another gym nearby and I found a scale there. For the first time in a year I weighed myself… 71Kgs, that’s too low! I knew I had lost some weight changing homes and not having a proper kitchen, but this new home has no mirror except for the face (and I like it this way) so I have no way to notice.

After the gym I hit the supermarket and bought food that wouldn’t fit my mini-fridge, and I made it a challenge of sorts to myself to finish all I could so that it would fit. I ate a bag of greens, a poke bowl, two wings and two chicken drums, and extra portion of salmon and 1l of protein yoghurt and then a while later an equally large portion of… food. Then I woke up at various times during the night to refill myself. It was monstrous, I must have eaten around 6,000 calories in 18h or so.

My new nutrition policy is this: eat as much as you can, as healthy as you can. The only problem has been the toilet, everything that comes up, must come down (or something like that) and the volume of food I’m having every day has to go somewhere.

Sunday I squandered at yoga and the park, as usual. At the park I found a group that does all-day meditations and yoga practice on Sundays. I spoke with their “guru” and he seems one of those kind present people who champion mindfulness, no reproaches at all and I think I might join them on my idle sundays.

Libido is a restless bitch but I’m learning to distance myself from the sensation. When you really inspect it, there seems to be not much of it. It feels very subtle, but when it’s paired with stimuli then strange things happen: you either relax into a seductive/seduced state or you buzz like a bee crazy for a taste of the nectar.

I’ve made the informal decision to remain single for as long as I can hold out. I still feel my real task is not in Spain, but in Mexico, and I can only offer a relationship meant to expire. Flings are not worth pursuing, but I will take it when it comes my way. I see an unprincipled and opportunistic disposition in this regard, but intuition does the rest, despite not operating with an explicit framework I trust that I will do the right thing at the right circumstance, and I do not need guardrails to keep others safe.

I feel change cooking up, but it’s difficult to explain, like it precedes reason. My yearnings, spiritual and sexual, are reclaiming their space in my psyche. It’s time to move these stagnant waters.